Focus on the Family Adult Child Looses Faith

4 Things Yous Can Do for Your Adult Children Who Don't Believe in God

deirdrereilly.com
2021 13 January

Having developed children who do not have organized religion may exist 1 of the hardest roads for a loving Christian parent to travel. Even if you have done everything correct — you attended church when your kids were growing up, prayers were said every night at the dinner table, and you openly turned to God in both praise and supplication — sometimes those sweetness little kids who so openly, trustingly believed in Christ abound into questioning, doubting, and even impatient adults who shut yous downward at the mere mention of God or His son.

You know your adult children were lovingly created by God, and eternally loved past Him; Jeremiah I:5 pinpoints the intimate nature of that holy love, stating, "Earlier I formed you lot in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you lot; I appointed you a prophet to the nations."

You are probably praying every twenty-four hour period for your adult child's salvation, as well — the most important activeness you tin can have in all situations. So, why can't your kids simply get with the program, and believe?

There is good news in this challenging state of affairs. The Lord gave the states free will for a very important reason: He wants us to come to Him willingly. He does not desire robots who love Him because our parents told united states to.

Who hasn't been moved past the depiction of Christ knocking on the closed door? Many have not opened that door until adulthood. But they take opened it, finally understanding that stanza of the beloved quondam hymn "Amazing Grace": "How precious did that grace appear, the 60 minutes I showtime believed."

This can happen for your adult children! God volition ultimately practise the heavy lifting, but here are some means you tin can help while respecting your adult children's' autonomy — and fifty-fifty strengthening the parent-kid bond in the process.

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Walk a Mile in Their Shoes — Respect the Challenges of Modern Life.

Today, simple pleasures enjoyed in the past often take a dorsum seat to fourth dimension spent on social media, longer hours at work, and constant pressure level to fulfill many different roles. Young women are hitting with constant images of how they are supposed to look and act, with those standards constantly changing. Ane moment they are supposed to be feminist icons, and the next, multi-tasking spouses and parents, posting pic-perfect versions of themselves and their families to Facebook. Immature men are also presented with conflicting messages: they are to be sensitive, always-nowadays partners, and as well be confident bread-winners and "real men."

Simply put, in days past there was more time to thoughtfully consider faith and its place in our lives. We were not tempted into increasingly random social media interactions back then, and daily life didn't rely so much on technology. Today, a bevy of apps promise to deliver what nosotros were able to find on our own: peace and focus.

Young adults are navigating a lot of pressures every 24-hour interval. Importantly, they may rarely discuss these pressures, as they take on a more than mature office of shielding their parents from worry. If parents of adult children respect this reality, in a sense "walking a mile in their shoes," it will lend focus to any talk most faith. Possibly a parent can try get-go conversations with, "So tell me virtually how busy you are lately; how practise you lot handle all that so well?" That is a lot more probable to open a deeper chat than, "I am worried almost your salvation — can we talk?" Empathy and understanding are of import tools, and shouldn't be disregarded.

The Bible offers some good direction here, in Colossians 3:21: "Fathers, practise non embitter your children, or they will become discouraged."

Make Sure Your Developed Child Has a Bible

This might sound very simple, simply many young adults raised in the church do non take God'due south Word handy. Perhaps when they moved out of the family home the Bible was left behind, a symbol of a more childish, more than dependent past. Perhaps they gave their Bible away when culling through their volume drove. Or perhaps it's down in the basement gathering dust.

Whatever the case, a Bible is the most important book anyone tin can ain. It contains all of life'southward truths and offers a blueprint for how to alive, as well.

While your developed kids may not have that, it doesn't brand information technology less true.

Additionally, how often does the light seedling of conventionalities go on when in church building, conveniently near a Bible? Many conservancy stories occur outside of the church. Many occur at the brink of despair, when an private has reached the end of their rope, trying to find their mode alone. A Bible is a physical and metaphysical lifeline; it is both a book you tin agree and a Spirit you can feel. If your adult kid has a Bible or a Bible app, God'southward Word is with them — and if that lite bulb of faith does become off, they are ready to be willingly, joyously swallowed up in its brilliant light.

To my shame, years ago an associate who is an atheist told me she didn't accept a copy of the Bible — and I did nix nearly that. How easy information technology would have been to drib off ane of my copies, or gift her with her own. Simply my own busy life took over, and that precious opportunity was lost.

Driblet off a Bible to your adult kid, or send them one, if they're far abroad. You can also recommend a good Bible app. Chances are, they volition go along that Bible around, whether on their bookshelf or on their phone, because they dear you.

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Exist Gear up to Listen to Doubts and One-time Hurts

We like to recollect we know everything about our children's formative years, only we don't. They accept experienced some things that will exist forever unknown to us. This may include things that have deeply injure them when information technology comes to faith. Perhaps they prayed and prayed for something that never happened, and it dimmed a light deep inside of them. Perhaps a personal tragedy — the loss of a parent or loved one, a cleaved honey relationship — hardened your kid's heart to God. Any the reason, a wounded kid oft grows into a doubting, rejecting adult. Sometimes only God tin can achieve into a hurting heart.

When I was a not-assertive teen of 19, my parents asked me to get to a immature people'southward Bible study at their church building, and I grudgingly complied. During a game of Bible Trivia, I was asked a relatively unproblematic question about the Bible, but I came upwards empty — non having ever really read the Bible, it would have been unusual if I did know the reply.

The other teens in the grouping snickered and whispered at my ignorance. They quietly mocked my inability to answer the question, and I left the grouping deciding that becoming a Christian was about the last thing I would ever do. My parents were understandably dismayed by the group'due south reaction, and I never returned. And although at the time I fabricated fun of those kids and their rudeness, I was, deep downward, hurt by their mockery. And information technology stunted my faith growth for several years.

Peradventure your adult child has experienced something like, or fifty-fifty more serious, past a Christian who claims to correspond God. Humans are fallible, and will ofttimes permit us downward. If y'all listen carefully and empathically when your adult child expresses hurt or uncertainty, and do then without judgment or expectation, the warm feeling of beingness heard may open a door in your kid's heart — or at least a window.

older mother hugging adult child daughter

Be Yourself — You A re a Christian!

Equally a way to stay shut to adult children, Christian parents may de-emphasize their religion, or non mention it at all. They seek open channels of communication with their kids and fear that too much "God talk" will chase them away. No parent likes to hear the sigh on the telephone or witness the subtle eye roll when the topic of religion is broached.

A dear friend of mine shared her method for talking with her not-believing adult child: "She knows I am a Christian, she was raised in the faith, and I dear her and she is precious to me no matter where she is when it comes to conventionalities. I believe the Lord will work in her life in His perfect time, and I never, e'er hesitate to say, 'I'm praying for you.' That's the best way I know to dearest her; to pray for her."

I call back back to my ain teen years full of dubiety. My parents would talk freely about their organized religion, and my mother, in particular, would leave short books on faith topics in my bedchamber. I did not read them at the time (except for the inscriptions; her heartfelt notes to a beloved daughter), but at present I treasure these well-worn books. I'm so glad she loved me enough to await past my doubts and give me these books.

At that place is an often-quoted Bible passage that speaks to raising children in faith for their lifelong benefit. Proverbs 22:6 tells us, "Train up a kid in the manner he should go; even when he is onetime he will not depart from it." In that location is a delightfully hidden nature to this poesy; information technology addresses both babyhood and quondam age but does non make a comment on the eye role of life. I believe God is advisedly watching over our developed children during these decorated eye years, and the fruits of our early organized religion instruction combined with our crucial daily prayers may indeed only be harvested in their later years.

Call up, in the vast spectrum of infinite and time, it doesn't matter the date of your arrival to the Kingdom — only that you do finally reach that glorious destination.

Deirdre Reilly is a writer and editor, and her commentary has appeared on various websites including CBN.com, FoxNews.com, and others. Her new book, "The Pretend Christian: Traveling Beyond Denomination to the Truthful Jesus," details her own personal journeying through doubt and fear into true belief. Y'all tin connect with Deirdre via world wide web.deirdrereilly.com, or follow her on Twitter at @deirdrewrites.